“Look at it damnit, what end eats and what end shits?”

Been doing alot of thinking about other careers lately.  Eternal drought does that to a guy when you make a living off of the land.  As my mind wonders, I imagine I would be very good as some sort of analyst or consultant on all issues ag related.  I can see it now, perched at the end of some sterile board room table, with the bosses and their clones leering at me.

“Alright, I’ll tell you again… When it fails to rain, cows don’t cycle properly.  Alright put your hand down, I told you cycle means come into heat…. THEY ARE FERTILE!…. never-mind, you’ll catch up. So, when they don’t cycle, they don’t breed and therefore don’t have baby calves. WTF, put your hand down, this isn’t second grade, if you have something to say, just spit it out… Yes baby calves grow up to be feeder cattle, alright moving on. Now without feeder cattle, you eventually run out of beef, simple as that…. I’m going to break your corporate arm if you put it in the air one more time, I don’t give a damn what protocol is… Yes, that is why drought matters to beef prices, thanks for following the bouncing ball all the way to the end.”

Maybe that isn’t exactly how things would go, but probably close.

Maybe I’ll be a pitch-man for a certain credit wing of a company “who-must-not-be-named” that likes to use green paint.

“Alright step right up, get your credit app, no need for black ink, we’ve got a pen handy (wink wink)… all we need to know is that you’ll be back next year to trade/sell us your $900K piece of equipment for the $950K model, because, it’s cheaper to trade than own, err I mean finance, my bad.  Hell yes, put your mail carrier salary on there, it counts! Oh and if you have any egg and cream savings, throw that in there too… just about done… can I interest you in our “metal that is not silver but rhymes with old” key program? It’s where we let you start your machine when it rolls off the assembly line, because that’s a memory you want to share with the grand-kids when they ask where their inheritance went… Let me enter it in the system and see what level you come back as..”

Probably fucked there also.

For now I’ll just stay put and wait it out. I’m blessed with a great wife and wonderfull kids, don’t know what I’d do without them.


P.S. If anybody is looking for a great gag to play on your boss, I’ll fly out and give a presentation, on your dime. (plus some, it still is fucking dry)


One thought on ““Look at it damnit, what end eats and what end shits?”

  1. Pingback: Breakfast Links-Welcome to the Mitch McConnell Tax Hike - Points and Figures | Points and Figures

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